Xx Dear Diary Xx

As usual, i was bloghoppin’.
Stuck to this song sia.
So ME!

I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I REALLY HATE YOU!

i want to go back late tmr.
I just want to be alone.
and maybe, i will find the answer.

Enjoy the lyrics.
& to any girls, tt’s feeling dwn cos of any guys.
Youre not alone. Remember!

Somebody’s knocking at my door
(who could it be)
it’s a quarter after four
i throw my covers on
storm walking down the halls
and open up that door..

I see you standing in the rain
(you say to me)
Baby i made a big mistake
I don’t love her
I want for us to work
Give me another turn
I looked him straight in the eye
And I said..

Dont come any closer
Can’t cry on my shoulder
You just going to have to live with
the choice you made
What we had was over
the second you choose her
So don’t come any closer..

I see the twinkle in your eye
and i start thinking that it might
Not hurt to let you in
Let you touch me again
and fill what i’ve been missing

Then I remember how it felt
when you gave your love to someone else
I can’t do that to her
The pain no one deserves
Then i built up the nerves
To look you right in the eye and say

No you cant come in
that’s all in the past
maybe you should just go back to her
Don’t ask her for a kiss
Dont try to hold my hand
i just cant go back there again

i was never there once.
& i remember it was on my bdae.
Ouch, it still hurts.

Dear God, Show me the right path.

‘ Jika Benar Cinta Itu Buta, Butakah Mataku? Berkali terluka masih jua ku menunggu’

Damn. It’s only the 2nd day of class and im tired like hell? Maybe it’s the journey, Maybe i have to wake up early. -_- Today, was super duper fcukin bad day! bad hair day, was a lil bit late to sch. Took the wrg book and stuffs. Didnt know, will be getting books today sia, so bawa lah beg lawa ni, tapi quite kecik juga lah. Aku sumbat punya sumbat, muat lah. But the bag look big and it was very messy. & it was damn fcukin heavy! The first module, was okay lah. But, the lecturer was talking bout him all the time, and he keep looking at me, so i had to interact with him every now and then by smiling, and angguk2. Salah aku juga, nak step duduk dpn, tengah2. Ah kau, ngantok jadinya at last. Then It was Finace & Accts. I hate numbers and what do you expect? I was drawing on my book. But,later jadi budak baik highlight sana sini. Heehee. Kdg2, aku ketawa sendri thinkin’ tt actually im sch for diploma. Tak caye, Tak caye. I was super excited for today because the highlight was to meet suhaimi. He woke me up today, for the first time! Yeah, he never wake me up. Sepjg perjalanan aku, dia temankn aku thru msg, and a call. So, when dah balik, i was rushin like hell. But the bag was heavy and my feets are in pain. Tambah lagi dgn crowd dia, waduh bisa pengsan gue! Part2 mcm gini lah, i wish i have a vehicle of my own.-_-

reached yshn about 7plus, and then zoom went to kedai cd cos i know 2012 is out, and suhaimi wanted this so much, so bought for him. Tambah lagi satu benda kat tangan. Den, bought a murtabak for him and his family, tambah lagi benda kat tangan aku. People think, im a business woman kot agaknya, dgn byk benda mcm tu. Haahaa! Met him outside his lift.Talked for awhile and suprise him with this things tt i bought for him. I wanted to cry, but i hold on. I’m really tired, and when i was hug and kissed by him, i cn feel tt semua hilang. I wish he can still hold me long. Hari2 mmg hari sedih aku, tgk couple sana sini, blakang, dpn, kanan, kiri,bawa atas. -_- Met him for 5 mins? Then blah sorg2 gi yshn inter sorg. Sampai rumah, ryan ada dgn buah orange kat tangan dia, he went to the door upon seeing me and say.’Ty,Ty..’ asked him to kiss me, and he did. Aww. I wanted to eat, cos i didnt ate the whole day, but ryan tarik me to play with him. So, then this tiredness is overpowering me. I was watching tv, when suddenly i dozzed off. Terbgn pun, psl suhaimi kol. Part ni yang tak best..

I’m listening to this song, and actually im crying when typing this post. Yeah, whadeva. So whad if im a crybaby? Well, i dnt knw, if he’s really happy for what i did for him today. Dia ckp happy, but aku msg lain, dia reply lain. & same with the conv.& even he got the whole day to rest or slp,he still says he’s sleepy. I wanna laugh upon hearing dat. I went thru pain, aches,tiredness today,just to see you dari queenstwn ke yshn for just 5mins. I woke up just to talk to you, and you told me, tmr janji bual lama2, nari ngantok? I’m sad, terribly sad. Why am i always being treated like this? Always? I always try my best. to make my other half happy, but why they cant do the same thing? It’s sad knowing that, you gt a bf, but when you feeling like a shit, there’s no one to support you,even your bf. I think, my sacrifices are all sia-sia. Wasted. Part main facebook,part lain semua boleh. Part nak bual, ada je. I dont know lah, i dont know if my decision is right? Shld i just stay?Or shld i just go? Im such in a big dillema, and i need someone professional to help me in this. Cos, im hurtin. Painfully hurtin’. Tu tkper, before i put dwn, i told him not to call again since he wants to slp kn?So i just hanged up, and now, not even one msg?To say anything? I dont know whats in your mind suhaimi, really i dont know. Love has make me blind.I hate love. Love supposed to be happy, not to be like this, but eversince i know love, this is what ive been feeling all the time. I want to be appreciated, someone that who really loves me and be there for me. Thats all, i dont need a RING. i dont need to go anywhere. i just need you, and your time. That wld make my day. We’ve grown apart,and you must face the fact. Dont blame me, blame yourself.

When i look at other people, couples exactly. I find some girls are lucky. Unlike me. Im always unlucky. no matter how hard i make my other half happy, i myself aint happy. Im tired, really tired. this has been dragging for too long. Im angry,sad,disappointed. I dont think, i want to bring my hp tmr to sch and reply to any calls or msgs. So dont bother to look for me when you read this yea? You can jolly sleep and do whatever you like.

Toodles.

Boo! Haha, Okay I think, i’ve some explainations to do here. Well, I and Suhaimi decide not to let go of this Rship. It’s pretty obvious, we cnt do much with each other. I was crying and cnt sleep the whole night looking at my hp, wishing that he would at least sms me. But when he didnt, I gave up. But at 6am, he msg and apologise. He didnt want to let me go. It was a hard decision. So when he msg and msg, i didnt reply cos i was angry and sad. So when he called me non stop, i decide to pick it up. I was being keras kepala at first, but again, i know, deep down this is not what i want. I want to work things out,as long as i have the chance and the LOVE inside me, i’ll never give it up for anything. We already get here so far away, with so many downs and obstacles, i know i just cnt give it up like that, and i dont care anymore what ppl gonna say! Cos it’s Me, and im the one who will decide the best for me, cos being with suhaimi i think, is the best thing though at times, hurt and aching is unavoidable. I know, fightings and getting hurt and dissapointed again will happen. But, as long as we both have the love for each other, we will try our best to work this out. (= So BooHoo To those, who wanna see us being apart.

& My Dear Suhaimi, had a lil accident today. I was sad though cos aku dah sampai rumah baru i got this news. He got 4 days of MC and he’s at hm. Tmr, I’m gonna go Yishun and meet him for a few mins at his house. But kesian aku, balik sorg nanti. =( Ada org nak hantar aku balik tamp tak???

Well, today was my first day at sch. Usually, i got very nervous to every new things. But yesterday i was calm like hell. But, halfway thru, i couldnt sleep. Overall, okaylah. My class mixture of there and here of diff countries. But got this one guy from India, was checkin me out. Mula2 aku ingat, aku ni perasaan. Tapi, after dhat, it was super duper obvious,cos he wld like turn at me, and look at me. So aku step tk nampak je. Not bad, he’s sweet. Haahaa! IM FINALLY LIKE SCHLIN and ppl keep kacau-in me. Stop it, its like not ive never sch before. So tmr, is startin of hell. Thanks to my lovely peeps for givin me couragement! Syg Syg Syg korg! K lah Outs! (=

To Suhaimi.

AKU CINTA KEPADAMU
HANYA ITU YANG KU TAHU
LUPAKANLAH KENANGAN PAHIT
KITA BINA HIDUP BARU.

I know, i always say, I will try to change.
I know, i always say, no matter how hard it gets,
I’ll never leave you, and work things out with you.
I know, you love me.
and i knw you too knw that i love you too.

Thanks suhaimi.
Though, you at times get on my nerves..
You are the best boyfriend that ive ever had.
Ive never feel so special like this before.
Please stay like this forever.
& dont ever change..

Maybe its the past.
Maybe its the mistakes.
that make me feel this way.
But whenever i feel like pulling out,
You pull me in.
I dont want, to waste another day.
I want to be happy with you.

This may shocked many people; I’m no longer attached to suhaimi. We broke up today. I asked for it, and i guess we agree to go our seperate ways from today.

Of course, im sad, in pain, hurt, aching all the negative feelings, you named it, i have it. Infact from just now, i’ve been crying non stop. My whole baju is drenched from my crying. You all must be wondering,i’m the one who asked for it,then why i’m crying right? I did this, for our own good sake. He can say whatever he thinks or like to. I swear to GOD, for all these years that i’ve been with him, i’ve never went out with any guys or being rship with them. But again, i did this for our sake,maybe for his sake mainly. Our rship has always been facing problems. There’s time when we’re okay and there’s alot of times we are not okay. But there’s many things that i find that is too hard for me to go on with these aching rship, and hence thats why i decided to go. Maybe it’s not the right time yet or maybe we’re not meant to be. Do i love him? Of course, even if we fight alot, he’ll always be the no.1 on my list. No danie, and whadsoevr, ayte! It’s up to him to believe or not. Since he has been in NS, we seems to be drifted apart, and it has been hard on me. It’s not that i wouldnt understand, but both parties seems to disagree to each other saying. We seem not to see eye to eye, always fighting and have lack of trust, so what’s more to this rship? If we keep hurting each other and hatred is becoming more and more unavoidable, it’s better for someone to back out.

I’m tired, of trying. Trying to be the best. But when i dont get the acknowledge and being the wrong one always, i guess this is it. Common’ if you compare to yourself feelings and mine, siapa yg lagi worst? Must i always remind you, what you did on July? Must i remind you the hard times i wnt thru it bcos of dat? Cnt you remember how much loved, patience and a big heart for me to let you still stay..But whenevr you say, you’re tired of me acting the same way, it hurts me, cos whad? Ive never given up on you till today..i put aside my ego,mypain, just to be with you again. You tell me, you’ll show me that you deserve a 2nd chance, but to me eveything is still the same. Well my love, you take half away of my love along with your this stupid mistakes, and look what happen? We could be better, but..

I know, its hard for you. You are the eldest boy in your family, & hence you want to work hard for the future. You told me that this is for our own gd sake too. I dont care if im married to you one day, i lead a simple lifestyle, as long as i have you, when i need you thats matter. Does financially stable gurantee you that we can be as happy as we always want it to be? I know, $ is a impt thing in this world, but do you know, i too need you? Ive always tried to understand you. When youre tired, sick or u want to slp,i told you to go ahead, but you also got to understand, dont because what you’re after for,you’re neglectin me. Enuf lah for the 5 days you put me thru. & only a few hrs i get to meet you, do you think its enuf? Yeah,you’re physically tired, thats noted, but i am to tired, but emotionally..You’re not a girl, thats why you dont understand.

I miss you, i really miss you. Miss everything that we used to be. But now, it seems so far away.Why cant you just stay like the first time you know me. Why cnt you shower me with your love,like when we first started out? Ni baru matair, dah mcm ni, belum nanti in near future..then hw, we wanna built a future together? I never want to leave you. I really love you, but things seems to get worsen and i cnt hold on anymore. I just lose my grip. I just cant recognise the one that im in love with. Whenever you’re infront of me, you will be okay, but whenever you’re at home or in the phone, there’s time you act diff. But i guess, i did my duty as a gf. I already bring you, to feel what it feels to have a long rship. & i think my job is done here. As much as i am sad, i think it’s a better way.

suhaimi, remember this..I’ll always love you. No matter what. I believe you know that too. I wish you all the best.

‘Dear God the only thing i ask of you, is to hold him when i’m not ard, When i’m much too far away.’

Got this from the 2008 posts when we were still new to dating, and i miss this memories so much, and miss this side of you. I’m gonna miss you forever, =’(

‘would always try to merajuk and act as if i want to go home, and he would run after me.’

‘come across his jiwang note for me that he never send out to me. I really wanted to cry knowin all his feelings he had for me..I just wanna run up to him and hug him but hes too engross playin that soccer. And i love when half way, he would run to me and lay on my lap and his friends would disturb us.’

’sit seperately on 969 bus and when he turn to look at me i would be pretendin to sleep or watch the window but actually im payin attention to what he’s doing.’

‘But thinkin of not having him by my side, staring to my eyes, or playing my hair when i lay on his shoulders’ 

‘he’s the first one who has be able to give me this security feelin’, the first one who treats me ryte, who make me fall in love with him time and time again.’

‘love when you wipe my tears or simply listen to what i need to say.’

‘To see you hanging ard in my house, just makes me smile, To see you wiping my tears away just melts me, and to see you run after me when i walk away just lift my heart.’

‘that’s when my baby come along. Ive always wanted someone who can be my best friend at the same time my boyfriend. Who would always hold my hand very tightly in the crowd and gets all worried for me when i’m sick. Who wipes away my tears when i cry, who jokes with me around and make me laugh. Who will bath with me in the sea and hug me when im cold. Who checks on me each time even when he’s busy and frown when he can’t sit with me in the bus. Who will get angry when i speak nonsense, and kiss me even infront of his friends.’

‘no matter how i close the aircon, i was freezing to death. B4 that i remember, how bie tried so hard to pakai balik his Sch U, he looks like Budak Cacat Otak, haha but hes really cute that i couldnt stop laughing. When he saw me freezing, he take out his sch U and wrapped me with it, how sweet tt i melt at e moment. He rub me and my hands, and i feel so ohhh loved & pampered by him.’

‘The way that you look into my eyes, the way that you hold my face, the way that you hug me, the way you told me you love me by repeating many times and stuffs’

‘Yea, tt day i asked and his ans was, My Heart is One, & So my Love is One too, and tts you.’

‘before that i told myself, i wont hold his hands, unless he holds mine first. Which he always did.
i lay down and stretch out my hand not facing him, when suddenly he put something on my hand, and it was a flower. I was pretty shocked, cos that has been what i want. & suddenly when i was talking, he gave me the bear that i just now hugged, and i was told tt he didnt really go toilet but he went to buy these stuffs.’

‘I’m not in a good mood today, everything seems not to be in place since ive never see my loverboy. =[ you see bie, when there’s no you, things are not right for me. So bie, if you’re reading this, let me tell you how much i miss you, 12345, 6789. 10111213, 1415,161718,1920 and more. That’s how much i miss you. & if you’ve been wondering what im upto lately, let me tell you, my days are filled with tears & all i could think and longed was for you. Yea’ how sucks.’

‘& thanks baby, your words makes me feel good. I know, when no one do love me anymore, i know there’s still left you here by me. LOVE YOU.’

‘ive always want my boyfriend to get me a soft toy from the machine which you have to control. But none, could. so yesterday he tried to do so for me. 4 times of failure, but in the end he succeed. we were so happy, and i was even more happy than anyone, that i jump and jump smile and smile. I was so happy. Thanks baby, you make my day worth. I LOVE YOU SAYANGGGG! IM REALLY REALLY REALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!. ‘

and do you know..
ive always cried, without you noticing.
When i rest my head on your shoulder..
and also..

i will not blog here anymore. Ive moved, and thats a secret.

Waduh, enak banget sih hari ini. I feel as if,i’m a rich spoilt brat spending things just like that. Heeehee. Well today, wake up early to help mum do her project, now nk kena buat alik becos the file seems too big and tkleh hantar plak. It was a tiring thing to do. Halfway thru, i sleep because i was too tired, by the time it was already near to 5. Help mom for 30mins on her project den when to siap, to meet suhaimi. I tot i was superlate, and i was in hurry like hell,but suhaimi called and said that, it’s ok and take your time, and so i did. By 630, i went out and headed to tamp mrt to top up my ezlink and zoom myself to yishun.& again, have to go to boyfie’s blk, but halfway, boyfie came down the stairs. We then, as usual go fill our stomach near suhaimi’s blk. After that, we went to popular to shop, and i was super duper excited. Suhaimi was choosing my stationaries for me, and he even hold for me the bakul, aww how sweet. I bought many things, and im super duper excited. It cost about $35plus. Thanks dyana for sponsoring me, heehee. XoXo. We also went shopping at the other stores such as tpt cd, where i ask this to the person, ‘Excuse me,do you know when 2010 will be out?’ haha, my boyfie was laughing so hard that he had to close his mouth using his hands. Went to watson and this kedai to buy things. But halfway, suhaimi and i fight.. I was pretty sad, even now.

Even, if i’m okay..
& even if you pujuk me..
Do you realise, when we fight, you always seem to say things that hurt me..
i keep quiet suhaimi..
if you think, i’m always hard on you..
doing stuff that you seems to hate,
then why in the first place, you wont let me go?
You’re tired?
You’re sick of it?
You’re stress?
Ouch, it hurts me.
Cos you know whad bie, what you did to me,
is more worst than what you’re feeling.
I’m sad. Im really sad.
I love you,but im tired.
That’s why, when you say bout things in the future,
i was keeping quiet..
Cos i dont know,how long i can stay by your side anymore..
Maybe we are meant for each other..
Maybe we are not too..
I dont know, im just confused.
Like someone say..
Mistakes can be forgiven but not forgotten.

=’)

Oklah, i have to help mom now.
Toodles.
Tmr, im gonna send tok to BedokPolyclinic, and maybe more shopping too,yipee.

‘ Life is full of suprises.’

Today, there’s alot that happened. Sad things basically, i think. It was 530am, and i tried so hard to sleep, but i dont know why, my mind keep thinking about my late uncle. I still find it hard to believe that he’s gone, and what makes me more shock is tht this april, will mark his 1year without him. So, since i couldn’t slp, i went down to read newspaper, but dad told me a shocking news. ANOTHER uncle,pass away. He stays at JB, though we seldom meet. But he’s someone that i did not expect to go fast like this, it’s the same with my late uncle, i didnt expect this to happen at all. He passed away because of asthma. My family has this stong hereditary illness and tht is asthma. Even my uncles, aunties, adeq sedara semua semput, but yg ada tklah seteruk mcm yg lain. Mom reminded me to take this as a lesson, cos out of my siblings, i’m the only one who makes stupid reason not taking any medicine. I only use it, when i really get an asthma attack. Dyana and me was super duper shock because it was mnths back when we saw him last at Cik Wiyah’s marriage. We even sang karaoke with him,dyana even ride bike with him, lepak dgn dia, and the last thing he make contact with me was a joke he made. & that was it. We always disturb dyana with him, thinking he got this special feeling for her. But, i never expect that will be the last. He’s always known for his gd heart, always love to make people smile and laugh. Always love to help people. & i guess GOD loves him more. Tok & Ibu went JB. I didn’t go cos, i had enuf with one death, and this another death, i dont know if i cn take it.. I dnt want to be reminded of what happen on the last day i kissed my late uncle. May GOD bless this both good soul. So what happened 2010? Baru, aku mendoakn no deaths,and this happen? I just wished that this could be like the old old years when none of my closest kins are gone. I hate this kind of feeling. Seriously i am. =’(

Then,teman dyana to Tampines Polyclinic because dyana met an accident at work. Imagine, i didnt slept for the whole day, and i was controlling myself not to fall aslp. But going there, makes me more even sad. To see the old folks going there by themselves makes me wanna cry.Yg ada jln terketar2, yg ada tak tahu satu benda langsung. But some of dem, are lucky. Their husband and anak temankan. But mostly of the old folks are alone. Mom and Dad should be thankful, becos they got childrens tt will not do like that in future. I will never let my parents go alone, no matter how busy i am. Yg lagi satu ni, kesian habis. Mata dia lebam. Dia kt wheelchair,Laki dia plak tua, pakai tongkat dgn maid. I feel like crying looking at dem. Especially the nyonya lah cos her eyes was blueblack. Kalau dia kena tumbuk, alamak tu anak tak hati perut pe! Apa nak jadi dengan manusia skrg,takde keperimanusiaan ke? These are the ones, who brought you up, sacrifice for you. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

& i fight with suhaimi. & i have no comments about dat. Im becomin more tired of this rhip.

Oh yeah, wanna noe sumtin stupid? I’ve always tot that girls get pregnant thru kissing when i was in my pri schs. When my gfs told me that they kissed their bf, i would be like askin them, ‘kau tak takot ke mengandung?’ & i only knoe that kissing is just a kiss, and it does not bring any harmful effects, when i was only in Pri 5.
Tu takpe..
I only know, that babies were born after couples have sex. All this while, i thought that couples who are already married get babies while they were sleeping next to each other only. Until one of my gfs told me that i realised i was so wrong, and imagine, i only realise it when i was in Sec 3. kau slenger siak aku ni eh? haaahaa. Dulu blajar science pun tk fhm2 lagi kot. Haahaa.
Just a random thingy, jgn marah ye..=)

kalaulah aku boleh buat mcm kat gambar tu kn bagus. My head is in so much pain. & what make it worst is, i couldnt find any panadols. & here i am, enduring it. Mmg niat di hati nak tidur, ibu pun dah sound aku, besok nak kejutkn aku siang becos i need to help her do something. OMG! -_-! Daddy plak,is going buru. Sedih sey..Bila lagi lah aku nak pergi buru ey? Cik Wiyah dah beranak, aku pun nak tgk anak dia and also anak cik kadir. I miss Nek Teh, Miss everyone over there. =( . Ohh why am i feeling like this..Am i like getting sick or what? IDN. If only,i could follow dem to jakarta kan bagus..it reminds me of last year where we 3, Mom, Ikin and I always being pampered almost everyday, go to spa and have a massage. Mom evern offered to let me do facial. But takot lah..Hahaa, Satu kali dah cukup! Whatever it is, I just wished that i will feel okay. Ingatkan nak buat air yang panas, but malas plak. If suhaimi was here, tentu he already make it for me right? =’(

Talking bout him, i was shocked to know that he drop out of his course cos he told me that he cnt really take it. The training was very tough that 4 people dropped out. Bcos he got back injury, the doctor advised him not to take this course, and yeah, suhaimi is not a firefighter. [ R E L I E F ] so, at the moment, he gotta do light training and wait, what will he become nxt. Damn,i miss him. Lucky tmr is friday. =’( & my bby is going to teman me to buy all my stationaries.

& you know, today my whole block blackout sey. I was in the toilet, when i came out,my mom told me. So i tot kena buat the usual thing, but mom said that semua block sama. Thinking it’s bcos of the lift upgrading,we buat bodoh. But it takes one hr, and i was really really getting hot. Even buru is not like this hot. Lagi2 aku tengah kemas almari..kau dia punya panas, tkleh angkat! At last boleh plak. Heehee. Oklah tu aje lah. Byes!

‘ I’m not crying when im talking to you on the phone, always.’

I’m sad, plain sad. With these big headache of mine, sore throat and running nose, it’smakin me feel more worse now. I admit, since my boyfriend in NS, i’ve been a hard time. I wish that, he could always stay by my side, always there whenever i need him. But i know, he can’t. He got his own duty and responsibilities to carry out. & it’s good enuf that he already makes an effort to call me whenever he can. But at the same time, i find it hard, to go and cope my everyday life, without him. I only get to meet him for a few hrs after much of hardtime waiting for him. I need to go thru 6 days before finally i can be by him.
As usual,today he called. He sounds so tired and he even complained that today training was very tiring. So told him to rest and call me before he go to sleeps.
& he did. We talked as usual, was joking here and there, tapi still yawns.
So told him, just to go to slp, but he says, tt he missed me and he has been waiting to talk to me. So we did. Then asked him, fri jadi tk, and he told me he don’t know because he might be going hm late.
I was like WTF! but of cos lah in my hrt kn.
I was so looking forward for it. I asked him why..
He told me that, if his group did any mistakes for that day, they might be letting them off late.
I was angry lah at first, but again its not boyfie fault.
Dont tell me ive to wait till saturday starting frm nw?

F U C K arh!
aku dahlah bingit, skola habis kul 6.30 everyday lak tu.
habis lah every date aku dgn suhaimi, every friday.
& to wait, saturday? OMG! Lama siak.
It’s like waiting him for 6 years sey. =(
& he says, sabarlah you, lagi 3 bulan je..
Yeah to him 3 mths is fast, but to me..
I hate where we’re directing nw. We’ve become more and more far aprt now.
With your NS, and with my sch.
How can i?
Can we still make it thru? Cn we make it thru?
Cos baby, i cnt. I hate this feelings.
I was actually crying just nw, but ive to lie to you.
I dont want to fight with you or make you even stress.
Its hard. & you dont know,
how hard it is for me.
it’s very very hard.

I just dont know what to do anymore.
I dont even have the semangat to go to school or study now,
cos i cnt tell you,the best and sad things tt im going thru at that moment.

I hope 3 mths is like 3 days.
& i hope, GOD can give me the strength to let me go thru this hard time of mine.
I dont want things that we are too involved in, is making us more and more drifting apart.
I wish CNY, suhaimi has a off day.
=’(

‘ I don’t miss my boyfriend. ‘

I’m having these big headache that is so aching. I hope this will go away soon. I miss suhaimi alot. Today is his first day as a ‘firefighter’ . He’s still training. & it seems he’s having a hard time there. I heard that the training was hard. I was keeping myself today, but still, i cnt get rid of him out of my mind. & at 6 plus, he called. Talk for awhile, cos i wanted him to rest for l8ter and lagipun i was cleaning my drawers.
& again wait for his call. & i’m so weak w/o him.
I’m really nt feeling gd right now, and i just wished tt he could hold me tight.
Because only when he’s beside me, i feel calm and secured.
So, he called. I was so happy that i cried.
But from the way he talks, i know he’s very very tired.
He told me what he did for the day and asked, if i’ve any problems?
so i told him, yeah i’ve a big problem, and that is i missed him too much.
I missed you bie. I really do.
There’s just some days tt i find it hard, knowing tt you cnt be there.
I’m sad thinking of going to school because, you were always the one who have been accompany me thru out the train and bus journey.
& i’m afraid now, i’ll have more less time with you, bie.
I hope another 3 mths will pass by me soon.
I just want my boyfriend to be by me, everytime, each time i need him.
So, between our conv, he was yawning, and so i told him to go slp,
but as usual he wouldnt want to, so i had to lie to him, i wanted to slp to and trying to train myself to sleep early.
=’((

& guess whad. I just gt my fcukin timetable and it sucks to the core.
Thank God, im doin this for my parents, love and also future,
or not aku dah lama malas nk layan.
Dear God, please give me strength to go thru these hard time.

Bby, I love you.
i’m thankful,for your presence in my life.
No one, no other guys can be compared to you.
You’re my one in a million.
& bby, will you be my valentine? =’)

Today, is the best day of the week. I wake up ard 1 plus bcos i overheard kk ikin’s saying tt we shld already get ready, i was super excited for it, but as usual, kk dyana bath first so, went to read suratkhabar and also layan ryan, the cutest baby on earth. So, i siap. But as usual, no matter how early i siap, i was the last one to get ready. Oh yea, i forgot to mention, tt i feel bad towards my boyfie. Well, he called me asking me to teman him watch avatar yang akan habis this wed. We always wanted to watch it, but we didnt get to, cos he was tired after coming back frm camp. I feel bad cos, i already promised my siblings. Told him to follow us, but he said he didnt want to and in the end, he watch it alone at yshn cinema, and he said that it was a grt movie. Yesterday, he called me at 4am and we talk nearly till 5. (= I love you, bie! bck to the topic, so we ride 168 and rush to CP pasal dah lambat. People has already seated, and advertisement pun dah shown. It was cold, so me, amira and mahathir use the same shawl tt amira bought, it’s also my protection for the scary part. But must tell you lah, tt this is the first time tt im impressed about a mly movie. It’s damn different frm jgn tegur and jgn pandang belakang. I would rate it 10/10. After that, dyana blanja us to breeks, and we all had alot of fun, eating and talking. Aww, i miss these kinds of moments with dem, hope we cn do these more often.

& yeah, sch’s starting. and im more and more having cold feet thinkin about it. & guess whad, my baby is a firefighter today. I hope everything will go okay for him, and everything will go okay for me too. I guess, this tues, im goin to have a shopping spree with my friends. & Friday,baby promise me to accompany me beli benda stationary. (= Chiow babe!